Looking through my window with uncertainty, waking up with an excitement that is unbearable at times, it is a day of reckoning, ideas without manifestation. A deep breath, tinkering thoughts, gasping, and simple things like eating, watching television or taking a bath have excruciatingly bored the wits out of me. Living in a fantasy is not so much a fairy tale. Quite not knowing if I'm disillusioned, I live my day once again. Thinking big and not having the small steps seems so demanding. Great ideas are only figments of your intent, an intention is a boat without a paddle, floating on to the vast waters hoping it nests on an island, a refuge, peace, until you realize it is not where you want to be. This is how i start my day.
Maps like plans as x marks the spot, I am for once in dire need of it. Imprisoned by nonchalant, who cares and it will come. Picking up the pieces, a jigsaw puzzle, abstract, in search of a niche that defines your existence, your identity, your economics and things to feel up your seconds till the next ticking ones are in your control. At last, i now know that i don't know what I'm doing. To have something to look forward to that is set in stone, to be good at, to fail at, to learn from, to work on... to share my experiences with.
Bombarded by decisions without resolve are elements of indecisiveness. To many things at once, spending my wheels, tiring it out as i pay the price of being arrogant. Exhaustion, carrying a machine gun with a bullet is more of a burden than a weapon. In lieu of shame and disgrace is humility. I am humbled. I am a caterpillar once again.
Crawling to a destination or flying aimlessly. My wings are spent. Broken a lot of promises specially once i made to myself. Done breaking myself and my love ones, i look outside through my window once again. It is only a different world out there if i see the different side of me.
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